Oral sex is when you use your mouth to pleasure your partner’s private parts. Some people enjoy it a lot, while others don’t like it- and that’s completely okay! Everyone is different.

If you’re doing oral sex or thinking about trying it, it’s normal to have questions. This guide covers some of the basics to help you feel more informed.

The chance of getting HIV through oral sex is very low. But other infections, like herpes, gonorrhoea, or syphilis, can be passed more easily this way. To stay safe, you can use a condom (for a penis) or a dental dam (for a vagina or anus). These are thin barriers that help protect you and your partner during oral sex.

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What Is Oral Sex?

Oral sex is when you use your mouth or tongue to give sexual pleasure to someone’s private parts or their anus. People sometimes call this “going down,” “blow jobs,” or “rimming,” depending on what part of the body it involves.

Many people enjoy oral sex, but not everyone does- and that’s completely okay. If you feel safe and comfortable with your partner, oral sex can be a way to feel closer and learn what makes each other feel good.

It’s important to talk with your partner about what they like and don’t like. There’s no one right way to give or receive oral sex. Try different things and keep communicating to make sure you’re both enjoying it. If something doesn’t feel good to you, it’s always okay to stop- and your partner has that same right.

How to Give Oral Sex to Someone With a Penis

Giving oral sex to a person with a penis is also called a “blow job.” The penis doesn’t need to be hard before you start, but using your hand to touch it gently can help get it aroused.

You can use your hand to guide how deep the penis goes into your mouth. Start slowly and softly- penises are very sensitive. Try moving your mouth and tongue in different ways to see what your partner likes. Avoid using your teeth unless your partner says it feels good.

You can choose whether or not to let your partner ejaculate (or “cum”) in your mouth. Using a condom can help protect both of you from infections.

How to Give Oral Sex to Someone With a Vulva

For someone with a vulva, starting with kissing and touching around the thighs and genitals can help them relax and feel turned on.

The clitoris, a small sensitive bump above the vaginal opening, usually gives the most pleasure. Gently open the outer lips and use your tongue softly at first. Try different speeds and tongue movements. Ask your partner what they enjoy most.

What Is Rimming (Oral-Anal Sex)?

Rimming is when you use your mouth to stimulate someone’s anus. Any couple can enjoy this, no matter their gender or sexuality.

If you’re worried about cleanliness, you can ask your partner to wash up first. Some couples even take a shower together as part of foreplay.

Start by gently touching and kissing around the anus and nearby areas like the perineum (the space between the genitals and anus). You can then use your tongue to lick or explore the area, depending on what your partner enjoys.

If your partner has a vulva, don’t go from the anus to the vagina without washing first. Doing so could cause infections.

Can You Get Infections from Oral Sex?

You can’t easily get HIV from oral sex, especially if the person with HIV is on treatment and their virus levels are undetectable. But other infections like herpes, gonorrhoea, and syphilis can be passed during oral sex.

With rimming, you could also catch infections like hepatitis A or E. coli, which are found in stool (poop).

How to Stay Safe During Oral Sex

Here are ways to help protect yourself from infections:

• Use a condom when giving oral sex to someone with a penis.
  
• Use a dental dam (a thin, soft sheet of latex) for oral sex on a vulva or anus. If you don’t have one, you can cut a condom to make one.
  
• Always use the same side of the dam- don’t flip it over.
  
• Don’t brush your teeth right before oral sex, as this could cause small cuts in your gums.
  
• Avoid letting semen or vaginal fluids into your mouth.
  
• Skip oral sex if either of you has sores, bleeding gums, or infections in your mouth or genitals.
  

If you’re unsure about symptoms, it’s best to see a health provider. Some infections don’t show signs right away but can still be passed to someone else.

Should I Have Oral Sex?

Only you can decide if you want to try oral sex. Think about how you feel and if both you and your partner are ready and comfortable.

Talking about protection before anything happens is important. It might feel a bit awkward, but being responsible for your health (and your partner’s) is a big part of having sex.

Never feel forced to give or receive oral sex. You don’t owe it to anyone. People might say things like:

• “It doesn’t count as real sex- you’ll still be a virgin.”
  
• “If you don’t want full sex, at least do this.”
  
• “It’s safer than other types of sex.”
  

But if you or your partner feel unsure or uncomfortable, it can ruin the experience. Oral sex should be something both people enjoy- never something done out of guilt or pressure.

How Can I Talk to My Partner About Safer Oral Sex?

Both you and your partner share the responsibility of staying safe from sexually transmitted infections (STIs). That’s why it’s a good idea to talk about safer oral sex before you become physically intimate. If you feel nervous about starting the conversation, don’t worry- many people feel the same way. Here are some tips to help:

Start with the good stuff
Begin the conversation by saying something positive about what you enjoy during sex. Then slowly bring up what you’d like to do differently or try together.

For example, you could say something like:
“I really like it when we do ___. What do you think about trying ___?”

Be ready to listen
A healthy conversation means both people get to speak. So after you share your thoughts, let your partner talk too. Listen carefully to how they feel about sex and safety.

Keep the conversation going
Talking about sex and protection shouldn’t happen just once- it’s something you can talk about more than once. Good communication helps make your relationship stronger and more enjoyable. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, so it’s important to be open and honest.

If you feel too shy or uncomfortable bringing up safer sex, that might mean you’re not quite ready for sex- and that’s okay! You can still enjoy being close to your partner in other ways. Or it could just mean you both need to practice talking more openly. Remember, strong communication and good sex usually go together!